The Six Beer Theory
October 12th, 2010 | Author: Doctor
Hello and welcome to Silver Lake 2000 SCIENCE CORNER, the newest feature on the ever expanding UncoolCentral website. The experts here at SL2000 have often overheard local residents asking: “What is the difference between a gay and a straight man?” with the answer being, “Six beers.” Could it really be true that homosexual and heterosexual males become one after the consumption of only six alcoholic grain beverages? 
Our straight men guinea pigs: Jason (left) and Bill (right) arriving at our Manzanita Street Laboratory where they are greeted by our assistant, Miss Killer. The scientists in our laboratories decided to conduct a controlled experiment and see just how valid this theory was. Our straight men
First, we needed two red-blooded all-American straight guys. We headed to Griffith Park one Sunday and noticed a rugged touch-football game in progress. One particularly virile specimen appealed to us. We approached him and found out the following stats:
Name: Bill, aka “Rusty”Age: 26Occupation: PolicemanInterests: SportsSexual Orientation: StraightGirlfriend: Yes, Christie
Next we found a strapping young specimen playing frisbee with his Golden Retriever, Jedediah, and got the following info:
Name: JasonAge: 21Occupation: Communications Major, USCInterests: SportsSexual Orientation: StraightGirlfriend: Broke up
Bill and Jason meet for the first time with a hearty handshake. Separately, we tempted both men with the promise of a six-pack of Budweiser Beer, Playboy Magazines and cable sports on television in return for participating in an undisclosed experiment at our labs on Manzanita Steet. Both men said yes and promptly arrived at our laboratory late that afternoon at six.
The strangers were introduced and immediately took a liking to each other as they both shared a common interest: sports. With our experiment successfully underway, we invited the men in where they were delighted to find a game on the tube. Before they could find out the score, Bill and Jason's eyes lit up like Christmas when one our trained lab assistants presented each of them with their very own six-pack of Budweiser beer. The joy each man was feeling was apparent. When Bill asked why SL2000 was being so generous, another trained lab technician told them to relax, make themselves at home and drink the six beers. Jason responded with a manly, “You betcha, dude. Yesssss!”
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